that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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