The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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