I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
