i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm bleeding and have questions
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
