I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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