I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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