wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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