he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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