so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Floor bacon is actually really good
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
