I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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