At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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