the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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