i barfeds in our rink
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
