I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize