dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
