so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
