You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
