I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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