We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh god it's open bar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
