All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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