I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
