dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize