the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
