I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
