maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
