Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
