Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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