Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
