Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
