My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
