just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
