I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
