shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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