i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position