i think my mom watched the whole time
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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