we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
