So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
