some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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