Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
