i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
