2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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