mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
