what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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