My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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