worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
