Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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