i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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