dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
