can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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