Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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