the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
