Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
