So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
