I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
