At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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