need another drink. this is the easiest way
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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