if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
