nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
