You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
