even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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