I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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