New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
