Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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