last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
