So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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