dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
