He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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