Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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