He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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