I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
