some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
