I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
