I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
