she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
